A couple of days ago my friend Diego sent this history by mail. I don’t know if it is one of those chained-mails and you have read it, but I found it funny enough to post it here. There are more things apart from drawings and my problems with WordPress. I must warn you that it is a bit long….
And the thing is that, whatever they say…..we have our charm

(Translation complete. This is not one of my standard posts and translate this collection of jokes and slogans from spanish to english is not as easy….you know, different languages have their own collection of jokes that are untranslatable and aren’t funny if you manage to translate them. So any errors and fun-shortness is my only fault)

GIRL MEETS A FREAKY

Being girlfriend of a freak is not easy. When she meets the first freak of her life, she opens a door to an unknown world…..

1: Girl meets freak
You can feel it, he is not like the others. Do not know what it is, but he has something more. He may look a geek, or a nerd either, but it is much more than that. He is a freak.
Sometimes he says odd things, but you think “So Cute!.” He has a special brightness in the eyes as if he hasn’t his feet totally planted on this world, a brightness that sometimes, when he is next to “certain objects”, becomes fanaticism. But you don’t mind (at the beginning at least). You fall, and enter in another dimension.

2: Girl goes out with freak
The first obstacle to overcome is the great ignorance that a non-freak has about the parallel universe in which the individual you have adopted as boyfriend, lives. You are talking quietly, doing the more innocent commentary, and suddenly you see how your guy begins to look red, open his eyes much, that vein in his neck begins to swell and his mouth opens and closes without articulate any sound. You know you have done something bad but….what? Two examples, courtesy of Misia:

- You’ve called “puppets” to his miniatures. Wrong: His miniatures deserve the utmost respect and a treatment of totemic idol. They must be given the proper name, without diminutives. And never, EVER, associating the adjective “cute” to any of them.

- Your hands have rolled (without notice of course) one of his cómics/magazines-of (now, you know they are) -miniatures. Call emergencies… Maybe he doesn’t leave you, but you always will have the suspect that he is waiting the moment to give it back to you and that,at night while you sleep he is watching you , planning the just revenge. If your freak belongs to the category ‘sword-collector’, keep an eye open, my friend.

Despite these “small misunderstandings,” the most difficult part comes when we must make a gift. You spend weeks thinking about what can make happy your freakyboyfriend because it is not a good idea to gift him a Ralph Laurent sweater and you get hung with it. You decides to go hunting a ‘freak type’ gift, but it’s not going to be easy.

If you decide to gift a figure, follow these three rules:

A-Face of happiness of friki will be directly proportional to the ugliness of the critter you gift. Just see the Orcs, trolls or Conan.

B – If it’s possible gift something containing a deadly weapon, even when it is false. If it has a sword, daggers, machine gun, claws, fangs or looks like it can shoot down a pine with just a buff he will like it. And if it has all together, freakyorgasm assured.

C – If you have to decide between giving the good or bad of the case, always take the bad. It has more glamour.

Of course, none of this applies in the case of Kill Bill, but you’ll probably do not want to gift him a woman that is sexier than you.

Finally, a real testimony from Misia, “Oh, these comics shops, figures and other freaky-things…! What a world. I was so confused and the employees (they are short, round and with almost no hair, like all freaks except my boyfriend, of course), They were looking as if an alien had landed in the shop.So I, after more than fifteen minutes watching without seeing the shelves, and running around to get leave of the collapse caused by so much critters and figures and all that, I decided to buy an Alien – I was told that it was one of the most adored films of my freakyboyfriend -. The new collapse came when I discovered that there were at least eight different shapes of alien and that according to the film they all had obvious differences (um, obvious?). In the end I bought the critter, which follows all the three rules:it is really ugly has teeth, claws, it is lethal and it is the bad. If it doesn’t have liked to freakyboyfriend, then I would have becomed an alien, and would have hung him on my balcony by the thumbs. Of course, dressed in an Elektra’s disguise

With experience in freakys learned over time, we understand that those freakyemployees our friend Misia met were in a state of shock about having some real tits next to them, beyond those Lara_Croft- real- sized ones next to the desk. Normal, in the freaky-shops aren’t accustomed to see customers wearing black tube skirt, cleavage, black socks and long heels

What reminds us: Girls, take note. The obsession with sex is a basic feature of the standard freak. “And of all the guys” you can argue. My friend, if you say this is that you have never been with a freak. In his defense it must be said that, according to surveys conducted between freakygirlfriends they tend to be very imaginative (and that is gooooood). Today’s Frakyadvice: If you don’t have any idea for a gift, opt for sex.

Never fails.

The gifts are not the only point of imbalance in the relationship.

Let’s talk, for example, of romantic escapes. CandyGirl speaking: “My boy came with the pamphlet of a country house. That’s when I must have begun to suspect.

Freakyboyfriend: In the middle of the mountains… The nearest village is 10 kilometers, mobiles have no coverage and… this weekend there is a full moon. Is it not perfect?
Me:My beloved Freak, are you ok?
Freakyboyfriend:You don’t like it?
Me: First weekend together, without parents, without apartment freakycompanions… I love it.
Freakyboyfriend: Really? John, Philip and Frank will be amazed too
Me: Joh…!
Freakyboyfriend: And those Mark’s friends too. For a good session of Vampire we must be at least 10, in this house will fit perfectly and in the vicinity there is a church in ruins which must be scary at night. Honey, you’ll hallucinate with Live Role Playing
Me: Well, if you want this weekend someone put the Princess-Leia-babydoll, you’ll have to ask John and Frank. You’ll certainly be amazed of how well it suits them.

3: Girl leaves friki.
Sometimes, love does not last forever. That is the sad part, which belongs to the privacy of freak and ex-girl, and we will not go into it here. It is enough saying that life is often not easy, and that apartments of 35 m2 are not made for mixed couples.

In case of a break, we recommend not returning the gifts. Those Princess Leia sexual-slave-with-fake-buns-included, Wonder Woman, Sailor Moon and aforementioned Elektra models may come in handy in the future. The light saber does not match anything, and what the hell are you going to do with a 1,90 m tall figure of Spiderman? Not to mention that, despite the intensive course of freakyness you would have been subjected by the already ex-freakyboyfriend, Alien will still seems very ugly and you don’t want it back in your life. You stay gifts.

And also, if it can be, you must keep the freak as a colleague. Since you have entered in the vice of Science Fiction, he has the responsibility to advise you what to read when you are done with “Dune”.

4: Girl knows another freak
Back to normal. You go to the cinema to see a romantic comedy in which nobody is green or flies.you take coffee with friends and meet guys that don’t know who is Wolverine. You live quit. Until it happens again: a perturbation in the force and you meet another freak. This time you are confident, because you are not a beginner in the freakyworld, when, without you have noticed another branch of the freakyness opens in front of you. If the first moved into the manga-anime sphere, your second freakyboyfriend is a fan of Marvel. Although it could be worse… Girls, if you hear DC pronounced…..run in the opposite direction; at least those of you who have sworn that “Marvel” was a fridge’s trademark

The DC ones are even more rare.

In practical terms, when you have become accustomed to gift katanas and Battle Royale comics with some criterion the new freakyboyfriend arrives and change you the references. And back to start again. Calm down my friend, some things never change. After all, a freak is always a freak either japanesefriendly or americanfriendly, cosmicfriendly or fantasyfriendly. Gift Sex

Freakyadvise: Over time you are keeping things. Take advantage and learn, you never know when will come in handy all this knowledge. Imagine a guy who tells you that the woman of his life will be the one that knows what is the adamantium. Of course, you know what is the adamantium. And we also know that the Taumo (or Thaum) is the basic unit of magical power, established universally as the quantity of magic needed to create a small white dove or three billiard balls of normal size. And that “to be or not to be” in Klingon is said “taH pagh taHbe ‘.”

NOTE CandyGirl to AdamantiumDude: I take this opportunity to tell you that I’m still thinking about that.

5: Girl knows a “non-freak”, and dislikes.
And of course, there comes a time in life when one tells her mother: “Mom, I met a guy.”
And she “Do He speaks elfic?
Girl: “No, Mom, that was Jack, who is now living in Montana and is a property advisor.”
Mother: “Aha. So, he wears a Spiderman costume underneath the shirt? “.
Girl: “Mom, Jacks wasn’t wearing a disguise, it was a shirt very realistic.”
Mother: “aha. But he wears it? ”
Girl: “Noooo!”
Mother: “And then, what happens to him? What odd things likes?

Real Life testimony from CandyGirl
“Well, I do not know, Mom, the truth is that right now I can not think of anything…”

Mothers are prescient. The point is that when you are accustomed to a freak, the non-freaks are tasteless. They bore you.You want to say “Dude….go and find a hobby.”

And again return to start again: to put a freak in your life.

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 3rd, 2007 at 9:58 and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.